Feeling-attached

It was not easy to fall in love since I had broken up with my boyfriend. And now he will marry with my friend. I’m happy to hear that now. No more hurt and upset.

It has been more than one year I’ve never have feeling-attached with a man. I’ve tried so many ways to open my heart. I became a social person, tried to gather with some communities, active in social media. I’ve pushed myself onto dating apps for couple times, I’ve installed and uninstalled those easily for short time. It was not working out. I still have no feeling attached with any of men.

Everybody said to me that I have to open up my heart to nice guys, then choose the best. I have no idea how to open up my heart. I thought it just not the time.

Until someone came into my life in a simple ways. He lives hundreds miles away from the city I live in. We made our first time meeting through some traveling thingy. We travel together. Something was not different, he likes my other friends. There was no feeling-attached.

But after the end of 2016, everything ran differently. I was trapping in a frequent chat with him. We did random chat and talked some interesting topics, included relationship. But mostly random, or just say hi, or just sticker battle, pffttt.

Time flies, then I felt something different. I feel comfort with him. My heart always bubbling when there was a chat notification from him.

We made our second and third meeting when he came to Jakarta.

This guy got highest presence in my dream. I don’t know how many times I dreamed about him. I don’t know why. Is it the sign that I have to reconfirm myself soon? Am I really attached with him?

I couldn’t expect if we never meet again since the last time I saw his face at the airport. Honestly I don’t want it. I want to see him again and again and again and again. At least if he still single. Because maybe he will be married with other woman. But I always pray to God to protect and strengthen my heart so that I will have no big upset if I hear he will go for married. I don’t want my heart is like overripe banana again because of broken heart. It’s out of my time.

So, I just can keep my feeling and keep him in my memories. Because I can’t overtake his feeling. I just can pray the best for you and also for me after.

I don’t know his feeling about me. But, it was amazing to know him, to travel with him, to hear his story, to feel his emotion, to feel attached with him.

 

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